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By Plimun Web Design

By Plimun Web Design

Villanueva Clinical Laboratory

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How to Survive New Year's Eve!

It’s that time of the year again. The Department of Health will appeal to everyone not to use firecrackers. The Government will say only legal firecrackers will be sold. The Police will tape their firearms. Then come New Year’s Eve, all hell breaks loose. The next day, we will hear reports that say this year’s celebration had much fewer casualties than last year. Really?

December 31 is probably the deadliest day of the year. We literally risk our lives welcoming the new year! We have to dodge stray bullets, Puwitis, drunk drivers, and bin ladens. Meanwhile, we binge eat, binge drink, and THEN attempt to drive home. Good luck!

But all is not lost. Here are very simple and livable tips on… HOW TO SURVIVE NEW YEAR’S EVE!

1.Use fireworks safely. The DOH got it all wrong. They keep on saying we should not light firecrackers at all. Is that ever possible?? All my life, despite all the appeals, all the laws and crackdowns – the government has thrown everything at the problem, even the kitchen sink! – we are still stuck in the same rut. So.. what to do? Just learn to use them safely. Like:

a.The most common cause of accidents is when people pick up firecrackers that have been lighted but failed to explode. When this happens, do not pick it up!! Pour a bucket of water at it and swipe it with a long stick.  It's better for it to be wasted than let it lay waste to your hand.

b.Use Luces to light your firecrackers. They have powerful flames and will not go with the wind.

c.Do not point Roman Candles and Magic Fountains at each other. Do not hold the former by hand. It has been known to explode every so often.

d.Buy only good quality fireworks. One bad Puwitis is all it takes for your house to become a warzone. Firecrackers with rubberized pabilo are usually safer.

e. Pour water over your nipa roof at dusk. This can prevent fires from fallen Puwitis.

f. Attach a stick to that Puwitis!  Although I have to admit, letting it fly without a stick is fun. 

g. Do not drink and light firecrackers.  This is self explanatory.  Duh.

2.Do not drive drunk. One of the things guys brag about is their ability to drive drunk. This is about as wrong as this other thing they brag about – dating more than one girl at a time. Real men do NOT drink and drive, just as real men respect women. If you cannot do this for your own safety, then at least do it for others’. Remember, when driven by a drunk, a car becomes nothing more than a two-ton projectile.

3.Leave room for desert. Here at the lab, our neighbor always tempts us with the fragrant aroma of roasting lechon… what choice do we have? After all, we can resist anything but temptation. Thing is, this definitely does not help our blood cholesterol levels! So what to do?

a.Fine, have a healthy helping of lechon. But remember that at the end of the tunnel lies fruit salad, cheesecake, tiramisu and chocolate cake. Always remember that. If you fill up with lechon and then decide to attack the desert table, you’ll be piling up way too many calories. What did you get for Christmas? Oh, I know. You got fat.

b.Take a hike. A short 30 minute walk around the neighborhood after dinner will do you good. Not only will this help in digestion, it will also burn a bit of the calories you ingested.

4.Do not use guns. This is just stupid and inconsiderate. If you want to use guns, point it to your head. The world is a better place with less people like you.

5.Have fun! Remember, laughter is the best medicine!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Stay safe always! See you next year! In one piece!

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